Christmas Preparation

We put the Christmas tree up the day before Thanksgiving. We put up our stockings, including the one we bought for Analin. The idea is that we will all write her letters each Christmas and stuff her stocking with them. Once it's full, we can pull them out and be able to see how she's affected us each year.

I wasn't able to put up my snowflakes, though. I have 3 boxes of glittery snowflake decorations, and this year we bought a box of much bigger ones. I generally use them to make a design on our front picture window, throw a few on the other windows and hang remainder on the tree.

I just didn't feel like it this year. I didn't feel like going through the effort to plan a design, to arrange them on the windows at all - to be happy about putting them up.




On Analin's 2nd Monthday I decided it was time. It was a sad day anyway, and I had reached a point I wanted them up more than in their boxes. I free-handed a tree on the window, gave Analin her own snowflake and even hung up a pair between her and Chiaotzu, our 9 year old boxer dog who passed away in the late summer because of a bee sting.

I cried the whole time. Putting up the snowflakes was just so final. Christmas is really coming, really happening and I feel like we're missing a key member in the celebrations.

Kris says we still have Analin, just not in the way we wanted. I understand the thought, but have trouble agreeing with it. But I still have this driving need to include her - to give her a snowflake, to hang her stocking, to get her a personalized ornament along with the ones we buy for the boys every year. So yes, she is here with us, just not in the way we wanted. I hate the very thought, because let's be honest - this is not the way it was supposed to be.

The first year is the hardest, they say, because of all the firsts. I'm beginning to wonder if I might be able to hold my breath for the whole time, to let the pain build up until I can let it all go in one big relieving exhale. Of course, I'm pretty sure I don't have the Navy Seal training for that.

The holiday season is the worst, I think, for a lot of us who have lost loved ones. I hear so many stories now, and whether it's because no one talked about them before they knew I would understand, or now I understand and make the effort to pay attention. Or maybe I was always paying attention, but just didn't have the experience to be able to empathize.

Regardless, the stories are there, and with them some hope. Because I see there is still joy to be found in the holidays. I feel it myself while I'm planning what to do with the boys. I just wish grieving didn't have to be so hard because I'm beyond tired of it already.

Christmas Decor

How was your holiday weekend (if you celebrated)? We had a lot of fun, first with dinner, then with Black Friday shopping. We go to less populated areas no earlier than 10am, so shopping isn't so bad for us. Then we finished the privacy fence in the backyard and switched out the boys' too small clothes for clothes that fit (hence the Black Friday shop).

We also decorated for Christmas this past weekend. We always get everything down and together over Thanksgiving break. It's a tradition my mom started, mostly because she was a single parent and we had the most time, then. I continue it because Kris struggles with decorating even that early. ;-)

Here is our beautiful Christmas tree.
It's a pre-lit, six-foot tree I got for $15 at an after-season sale. We have a lot of generic, plastic balls (due to dogs and kids) but we also have a few special ornaments. There are beautiful Danish ornaments my husband's family gifted us, and I have a few of my childhood ornaments - my baby ornament and some I made in elementary.










I suppose we aren't alone in getting them a new ornament every year. This year is Sebastian's first, of course. We didn't get the traditional first Christmas ornament, but got one that would match Joshua's - this year, we got these cute, plush bears.








We have a few ornaments from Frankenmouth, Michigan. There's a huge year-round Christmas store there filled with amazing decorations and ornaments. They had a Danish section there, and we were able to get these ornaments last year.

The ball on the left tells the Danish tradition of Christmas. The flag on the right was, unfortunately, broken only hours after I took this photo. Joshua dropped it on the floor. :-( On the plus side, Frankenmouth is only 2 hours away, so we will get another.

I also have those glittery snowflakes taped onto my windows, some being blown about, some in nice triangular trees. It's so pretty! And very understated, which is exactly how I like it.

Oh, and my favorite clearance find from last year - my advent calendar train guarded by my nissen brought over from Denmark (Danish Christmas elves, so I hope I got the plural right). Each number on the train is a door to hide a treat behind, 1-12 on this side, then 13-24 on the other. We are going to put clues in if we have a present too big, or a hint to that day's outing instead of using tiny toys or candy every day.

All of this will be up through the New Year. How long it stays up depends on how I feel. Some years it comes down January 1st. Others, it will stay up until Valentines Day. So, we will see.

How are your decorations going? Do you prefer over-the top, or barely there?