Friday, July 13, 2012

Nervous Without My Boys

My friend took my boys for me for a few hours the other day. I was told to relax and enjoy myself. It was a sound idea in theory.

I decided to go shopping. I haven't been shopping by myself in ... years. It has to be. I can't remember the last time I even ran to the local shopping mart on my own.

I kept checking my purse, looking around me. I was incredibly nervous and anxious. It was that, I forgot something really, really important feeling. I knew it was because I was by myself, that my little ones weren't with me, but I could not shake the feeling.

My girlfriend called me to ask me how to make the cereal for my 5 month old. I told her I was on my way out of town, I could swing by and show her. I was not allowed, so I had to go home.

There was a movie on TV. I hate TV movies, but it was one I had been wanting to watch. I couldn't just sit still. I felt guilty, lazy. So I made myself watch the movie - while doing some housework at the same time.

Finally, it was time to pick up my boys. Finally, I could relax. After a day of so many emotions, I was exhausted and it was nice to be back to normal.

Of course, the obvious conclusion is that I need to drop the boys off somewhere more often. I need to be more comfortable than that out by myself. I was also taking mental notes the whole time, hoping I'm a good enough writer to be able to instill those emotions in my characters, setting up situations where they would have to feel that way.

Okay, so your turn. What makes you nervous now, that didn't used to in the past? Do you know why? Do you have plans to change it?

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