Why Does It Have To Be So Difficult?

I hate how hard things are in our digital world.

I know, I know. First World Problems, and I am super lucky those are the problems I have to deal with.

Perspective wise, they're still problems for me.

What set this off? I have a TV show I love. Like, I am obsessed with it. And it has amazing music. So I want to find and buy the music.

Problem is, I have Netflix, which means I'm watching last season's episodes. Website for said TV show only has the current season song list, and I can't find it anywhere else.

We won't even get into the fact that I cannot (well, choose not to) watch the second season because by the time I had time to check it out, both Hulu Plus and the network webpage had taken down the first two episodes. I can understand the network page, but Hulu?

Seriously, it should not be this hard. I am a customer. A customer willing to pay, even, but I cannot find what I am looking for because I'm simply too late, or too far behind the times to have caught on and catch the information I wanted at the right time. And that's so frustrating to me.

So yes, it's a bit of a rant. Yes, it's a silly problem to have (to be honest, a problem I prefer over other's I've had recently, so maybe that's why I'm focusing on it so well). But it's a problem, nonetheless, and one I feel we shouldn't have in such a wonderful age of easy-to-get information and entertainment.

Any (not so) silly frustrations on your end? What do you think should be so much easier, but just isn't? I know I have a list a mile long, but we'll stick with this one. For today ...

Christmas Planning

Is it too early? Not for me! I start my planning in October. If I don't at least have a plan done by November, I stress out a little bit. And then I start looking for the deals, hoping to have all my presents purchased by no later than the first week of December.

Then comes in the problem. I'm a horrible liar. Not only that, but it's made even worse when I'm excited, and I am excited about the holiday season. Everything gets so sparkly and pretty and part of the joy of planning and buying so far ahead is to make sure I'm getting something people will love.

So, enter yesterday when I had an Amazon shipment come in with some things my husband knew about and one thing he didn't.

And he asked me, is (the stuff he knows about) the only thing in those boxes?

I grinned! A big ol' cat ate the canary grin. And he just laughed at me. I told him it was unfair and rude to ask.

Well, at least I know he doesn't have a clue what I got him.

So how soon do you start your holiday planning? And can you keep secrets? I'd say I need lessons, but I'm not sure how well they would work, to be honest.

Pathology Report

Today was my six week postpartum check up with the doctor. I scored high on the postpartum depression checklist, but not Depression levels, which is good and expected. I'm also checking out to be healthy, healing quickly everywhere except my pelvic bones, which took a beating mid to late pregnancy, so are just taking a bit more time to heal.

The important part of this appointment, however, was the pathology report from the placenta and umbilical cord. There had been an underlying expectation to find clotting as a reason, a result of the Factor V Leiden disorder I have - proteins that can lead to blood clotting in it's carriers.

However, there was nothing. No clots and no other findings that may have shed light on Analin's loss.

I'm so relieved. Relieved that it wasn't something with my body that caused this. I have spoken to many women recently who have lost babies because of something their body did or couldn't do, and I can express my empathy with them, having believed the same. It really is a relief to find out this wasn't the case, that maybe Analin's loss really was just a fluke, maybe moving forward to possibly have more children won't be as difficult knowing she didn't die because of me.

My heart still breaks every day. I expect it always will. But I will continue to look for the brighter side of things. It really is the only way to get through this - to actively work at it, to force a perspective on myself that I don't necessarily feel at the moment. So right now, this is my silver lining, knowing there truly wasn't anything I could have done to save her - no intervention, no medicine that others with this condition have and do use.

Today, it will be enough.

<3

WWBH Prompt

I'm being encouraged to return to blogging, and I think I'm getting to the point where I'm ready for it. Of course, the holidays are coming and are sure to suck up my time, so we will see. Until then, though, keep watch for these weekly writing prompts, and link up your own story for a chance to get your blog featured.

This week, Leanne has gotten our prompt together for us. :)
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Hello, friends! I had to check the calendar today to make sure it was indeed Wednesday because it feels like Monday. So strange!

Since it is Wednesday, that means we're on for the next round of the Writer Wednesday Blog Hop. Last week's twist was a big hit; look at all the stories that birthed! Read them all because they are simply awesome, and feel free to leave some comment love to the creative writer. :)

The Unknown that Lies Ahead by Scott Taylor
Jottings and Writings by Tena Carr
The Return by Sally Stackhouse
An Empty Street and an Open Drawer by Tony Roberts
Mistaken by Leanne Sype
Get a Better Hiding Place by Nicole Pyles

Here's a quick reminder of how to do the blog hop:

1) Write a story using both photos.
2) Keep your word count to 500 words or less.
3) Submit your completed story to your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) via the inLinkz linky below. (If you need a bit of help with this step, just leave a comment and we'll get you linked up!)
4) You have the next week to post.
5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow! Remember: the blog hop is about creative writing and community, so feel free to invite a friend to join in!

Here are your photos for this week. Enjoy!

 

WWBH Prompt - With A New Twist!

We had our first bout of snow yesterday - the sticking kind, anyway, rather than the wet, miserable, dangerous kind. Only the roofs tell that tale now, unless you take in to account it managed to freeze the ground enough that my dogs are dragging in drastically less dirt. Yay for Winter. :P

This week's prompt is coming directly from Nicole. There's a new twist to it this week. Try it out and let us know what you think! :)

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And we're back! I don't know about you guys but it's getting colder around here lately! Although not nearly as wintery as I'd expect in Oregon, so I'm glad for that.

First things first, read the awesome stories from last week! I know the holidays has everyone bogged down a bit, so we are so grateful for everyone who has the chance to join in.

Grandma's Advice by Scott Taylor

The Bench by Beth Camp

Awesome stories!!!

So, we are going to change things up a bit with this prompt, so please read carefully!

We are going to give you two photos this week instead of one photo and five words. With those two photos, you must connect the two in some way. The other rules still apply - you have until next Tuesday night to submit your link and you have a 500 word limit!

So, here are the rules again -

1) Include both of the photos in your story in some way.

2) Keep your word count 500 words or less.

3) You have until next Tuesday to link up (leave a comment if you don't know how! We'll help you out!)

4) Link up with your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) when you’re done via the inLinkz linky below.

5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow.

And here are the TWO photos you will be using this week -

Photo # 1 via Flickr

Photo # 2 via Flickr

Now, when you have your story ready to go, link it up below! 

WWBH Prompt - Welcome, November!

Today is the Monthday of Analin's loss and I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I honestly don't know what is going to happen to my blogging. I'm going to take some time to figure it out, while still participating in the WWBH prompts. I love helping to put together and post these prompts with Nicole, Tena and Leanne each week and they are the only thing keeping me coming back to the blog world right now. In fact, I love them so much I wouldn't dare to miss my chance to select our winner and put together the first prompt of the new month. :-D

Soo .....

Miss Sally Stackhouse, you are our winner this month!!

Congratulations, and thank you so much for all your contributions. Thank everyone else, as well, for their contributions. It seems to have been a tough year for a lot of people and it means a lot that you still visit our writing prompt whenever you can.

Last week's prompt help produce these stories:

The Empty Bench by Scott Taylor
The Bench by Sally Stackhouse
The Language of Relationships by Tony Roberts
Till Death Do Us Part by Melissa Gardiner
Pop and Grams by Leanne Sype

And moving on to the November set of writing prompts, I've chosen a photo by an amazing photographer, Trey Ratcliff. If you haven't seen his work, you really should follow the link at the photo for his Google Plus profile, or you can find him on FaceBook as well. The picture I chose was taken at the Burning Man event and the album he's posted paints a picture of an amazing world full of stories, real and imagined.

Getting to the prompt, here is a quick review of the rules.

1) Use the photo and the 5 words provided in your story
2) Keep your word count 500 words or less.
3) You have until next Tuesday to link up your post.
4) Link up with your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) when you’re done via the inLinkz linky below.
5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow.

The Photograph by Trey Ratcliff:

The Words:

reject

flood

toy

angle

trophy

WWBH Prompt (Plus a brief update)

Hello, everyone. :) With tomorrow being Halloween, things are a bit touch and go over here. Not only because we had holiday plans including little Analin, but because it is the last day of our due-date month. We have dress up all day, through breakfast at day care, lunch at Kris' work and possibly trick or treating at night, depending on the rain-predicted weather. We had already gotten all of the kids' costumes, including Analin's, which is now packed up with the rest of her things.

The difficult part is the memories we won't be making that we thought we would is brought into light on a holiday, and this is the first one we've reached so far. As with everything else, however, I'm sure it won't be as difficult as we're thinking it may be.

I am ready, I think, to start up with the WWBH prompts again. This week Leanne has put it together for us, and I'm scheduled for next week, along with the choosing of the monthly ad winner. Get your writing caps on, and dive into the prompt, making sure to get it in by 8pm EST next Tuesday to be eligible. :)

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Scary movies and candy galore, entice the imagination to explore. Take a picture and five simple terms, write a story of fiction to make readers squirm.

Haha! Happy Writer Wednesday and Happy Halloween, friends. It's time for another round of the blog hop photo stories. Here are the two stories we received from last week's prompt:

No Heroes Death by Tena Carr
Window Seat by Leanne Sype

Writers inspiring writers, spurring the growth of an imaginative writing community! This is what the blog hop is really all about, my friends. So we hope you'll join us this week, and be sure to invite a friend to join in too. All are welcome. Here's a quick review of how the blog hop works:

1) Use the photo and the 5 words provided in your story
2) Keep your word count 500 words or less.
3) You have until next Tuesday to link up your post.
4) Link up with your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) when you’re done via the inLinkz linky below.
5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow.

Here is this week's photograph (courtesy of Leanne Sype):

Your mandatory words:

day

vowel

stool

spaceship

calm

Kris' Speech

These were the words Kris wrote and spoke for Analin's memorial. <3 You can read more about her here.

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I want to start by thanking all of you for coming tonight. Carrie and I have been overwhelmed by all the love and support we’ve received from our families, friends and colleagues. It has been incredibly helpful to us to know that we have not been alone in our grief. We can never express our gratitude to all of you, but we will always try. 


One of the things I kept asking myself early last week was ‘Why?’. Why did this happen to us?

Why did this happen to our family? What had we done to deserve this fate? 

I know that many of you shared the same question with me. That this was so pointless - that it was so hard to understand the reason for our loss. 

I’ve come to realize that it’s really the wrong question to ask - this should not make us question and it’s not helpful for us to ask ‘why’. 

If there’s a greater meaning with Analin’s death, I cannot see it - But what I can do, is to cherish Analin’s memory and make her mean something. 

I take great strength from the fact that Analin was with us for 38 weeks. I smile when I think about how she would get mad at Carrie (and me I suppose) when the food Carrie ate was too spicy. It was amazing to feel Carrie’s belly when Analin had hiccups.

It was incredible to see when Analin had her kick-boxing workouts. 

I will cherish forever those hard, hard hours after Analin was born when we had her in our room at the hospital. When we got to hold our baby-girl in our arms. 

As I think of all those memories, I so wish that we could have had more. Right now, that’s the hardest thing for me to accept - that those incredible memories won’t continue. It makes me so sad but I’m really grateful that since I can’t have those future memories, at least I have some. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about how you actually can have a memorial for a baby girl when you hadn’t spent all that much time with her. But the thing is - I know her. We all do. And I know she’s with us. Right here.

We know she would have been beautiful and compassionate like her mother. 

She would have been smart and sweet like her oldest brother Joshua. She would have been smiling and happy like her brother, Sebastian. 

And maybe she would have had her father’s sense of humor - which of course would have driven her mother crazy. 

We know she would have been all those things - and of course, she would have been completely her own - our unique, amazing, beautiful girl.

So what do we do now? Well, we continue. Analin and her story is now part of our family and we will always keep her memory with us. We will cherish life and we will keep sharing our love with our family and our friends. We will try to be the best people we can be. Now this is just part of us and our lives.

I want to share with you just how amazing Carrie and our boys have been to me and to our family in the last week. Our boys are our super-heroes. 

Carrie, it sucks so much that we have to go through this, but I’m so incredibly grateful that since I have to go through it, that I go through it with you. You’ve been amazing for me, for our boys and you give us so much strength. Not an hour passes without me thanking the stars for you.

I want to finish by saying thank you again to our family, our friends and also to Kristin and everyone from Tiny Purpose. We will always be grateful for the support you have given us in these difficult days.

And of course a huge thank you to all for being with us tonight - we appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.

We will continue to need to lean on you. But you can lean on us too.

Tonight, we want to start a tradition that we intend to keep every year on Analin’s birthday - and that is to release sky lanterns. So with your help, we’d like to begin.

I don't know how to title this post ...

There really is no easy way to put this, so I'll use the main thing that has gotten me through these last few weeks - the Band-aid Method.

On October 6, Analin was stillborn. She was born at 2:25 in the morning weighing 6lbs 8oz, 20 inches long and she never opened her eyes or took a breath.

We had gone into the hospital on the 5th because I hadn't felt her moving. We had thought it was birth preparation and our visit was just a precaution. However, the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat, and the ultrasound confirmed there was none.

As of now, we don't have a reason for her loss. On initial exam, there was nothing obvious. We're not sure if the cord and placenta were sent to pathology because I had a different OB deliver me, and my OB hadn't had a chance to ask before my post-partum appointment with her. It doesn't matter much right now, except that my blood clotting proteins may have played a role, and that's important for any future pregnancy we might have.

On Monday the 15th, we had a beautiful ceremony for Analin in our front yard. Everyone who was able to attend had a small candle, each tied carefully with a power-word; strength, courage, memory, love, etc. Kristoffer gave a beautiful speech and chose an amazing play list. Then we lit up some sky lanterns. Joshua (4), who had been having a rough time, and I poured all of our sadness into the lanterns. We watched them rise straight up into the cold, windless dusk, and be carried away on higher winds.

We're still struggling a little over here, but have taken on the decision to move past this. The firsts - the first things to do without her - are the most difficult, hence the band-aid method. And then there's the belief that we cannot allow this grief to take over our lives, to poison our hearts against the other babies being born now (have I mentioned before that everyone we knew who was pregnant was also due in October?), to stop us from enjoying the two children still with us, or to come between us as husband and wife. So we move on, and we manage, but we don't forget. <3

WWBH Prompt Post and Winner!!

Happy October!! Are you excited for Halloween, or do you have Holiday Confusion Syndrome inspired by the plethora of holiday decor available in stores? ;-)

Good thing there's no confusion to be had here. This month's Ad Winner is --

Scott Taylor!!

Congratulations, Scott. :-) Thank you and everyone for being so loyal to our weekly hop and sharing all your fantastic stories. Here's to a lot more to come.

With that, let's move on to our new prompt with a review of the rules:

 1) Use the photo and the 5 words provided in your story

 2) Keep your word count 500 words or less. 3) You have until next Tuesday to link up your post. 4) Link up with your blog hostess (Nicole, Carrie, Tena or Leanne) when you’re done via the inLinkz linky below. 5) Have fun, don’t stress, let those creative juices flow.

Photo courtesy of Flikr Commons:

5 Must-Use Words:

System

Quarry

Ant

Bible

Artillery

And where to link up: